Funny Drinking Shirts: 11 Picks Sorted by What’s in Your Glass
Everyone has a drink order, and most people will defend it harder than their politics. A funny drinking shirt just saves time. It tells the bartender, the host and the rest of the group chat what you are having before anyone has to ask.
We make eleven of them. Below they are sorted by drink, because that is how you will end up choosing anyway, with honest notes on who each one suits and where you can get away with wearing it.
Funny Whiskey Shirts
Whiskey drinkers tend to be clear about why they came. These two put it in writing.
I’m Only Here for the Whiskey T-Shirt
The print actually reads “I’m mostly here for the whiskey”, which is the more honest wording. Built for weddings, work parties and anything with an open bar.
I Don’t Need a Valentine, I Need a Whiskey Shirt
Technically a Valentine’s Day shirt. In practice it works on any night you would rather have a pour than a plus-one.
Funny Tequila and Vodka Shirts
For the friends who treat tomorrow as a problem for tomorrow. The first two share the same retro print, so they work as a pair.
This Tequila Tastes Like I’m Not Going to Work Tomorrow T-Shirt
A tasting note and a sick-day forecast in one retro print. Wear it on a Thursday at your own risk.
This Vodka Tastes Like I’m Not Going to Work Tomorrow T-Shirt
The same forecast for the vodka drinker. Buy both and you have a matching pair for the two friends who always suggest one more.
I Don’t Need a Valentine, I Need a Tequila T-Shirt
For the friend who answers every invitation with “will there be margaritas?”. Seasonal on paper, year-round in spirit.
Funny Beer Shirts
Beer shirts are the easiest ones to give. Nobody has ever been offended by a pint.
Beer Me Please T-Shirt
A foaming mug, a thumbs up and good manners. The politest way to ask someone else to go to the fridge.
I Don’t Need a Valentine, I Need a Beer T-Shirt
Low-maintenance by design. For the person whose ideal date is a patio and a cold one.
Funny Wine Shirts
One for the person holding the week together, and one for the person who no longer has to.
Wine: The Glue Holding This Sh*tshow Together Women’s T-Shirt
A dictionary definition with a winking wine glass, in a women’s fit. Heads up: the print includes the year 2020, so think of it as a vintage.
I Can Wine All I Want, I’m Retired T-Shirt
A pun and a retirement plan in one line. An easy win when you need a retirement party gift by Friday.
Cocktails, and One Shirt With No Drink in It
A cocktail tee for the friend with a complicated order, plus the only shirt on this page you can safely give your partner’s mother.
I Don’t Need a Valentine, I Need a Cocktail Tee
For the one who orders something with a garnish. Skips the romance and goes directly to happy hour.
Love Drunk T-Shirt
The only shirt here with no actual drink involved. A soft one for anniversaries and new couples.
Which One to Buy for Whom
- A brewery tour, a tailgate or a backyard barbecue: Beer Me Please. Friendly, and nothing to explain.
- A wedding or a work party with an open bar: I’m Only Here for the Whiskey. Honest, and the bartender will appreciate the heads-up.
- A girls’ trip or a bachelorette weekend: the tequila and vodka pair, plus the wine shirt for whoever organised the whole thing.
- A retirement party: I Can Wine All I Want, I’m Retired. It was made for exactly this.
- The single friend in February: pick their drink from the four Valentine’s shirts: whiskey, tequila, beer or cocktail.
- Someone you do not know well: Beer Me Please or Love Drunk. Mild, and safe in front of family.
Funny Drinking Shirt Questions, Answered
What are good funny drinking shirts for a group?
The tequila and vodka “not going to work tomorrow” shirts share a print, so they match without being identical. The four Valentine’s shirts also share one layout in four different drinks, which lets everyone in the group pick their own.
Can I wear a drinking shirt to work?
It depends on the office. Beer Me Please and I Can Wine All I Want, I’m Retired are mild enough for a casual Friday. The “not going to work tomorrow” shirts are a bold thing to wear in front of your manager, and the wine shirt has a swear word on it, so keep those for the weekend.
What is a good gift for a whiskey lover?
A funny whiskey shirt next to a bottle they already like is hard to get wrong. I’m Only Here for the Whiskey suits the friend who says exactly that at every event.
Are these shirts unisex?
Most of them are unisex cuts. The wine shirt is a women’s fit. Every product page has a size chart, so check it before you order.
How long does delivery take?
Every shirt is printed to order, so allow more time than you would for something sitting in a warehouse. Shipping options and current timing are shown at checkout. If it is for a party or a trip, order early.
One note before you go: these are jokes for adults of legal drinking age. The shirts are funniest when the person wearing them still remembers the night.
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